Bad people are like fire – if you allow yourself to get too close to them, you WILL get burned. Sadly, I know this all too well, but it’s the people whom you least suspect, that are the worst ones.
The world is full of people who wear a friendly mask, pretend to be sweet, and do everything they can to make you trust them – but, in the end, they leave you feeling like believing their disguise was the dumbest thing you have ever done.
Even after the countless times I’ve been burned by someone I described above, I’m still one to give the rest of the world a chance. I consider myself to be a good person; no one can change that, no matter how badly they hurt me or screw me over. If that was possible, I’d have become the complete opposite a long time ago, after enduring an entire childhood of abuse and trauma, day in and day out. Still, I grew up and became a strong, loving, kind, honest, and compassionate individual – despite not having been taught anything of the sort by either of my parents.
For a year and a half or so, I spent tons of time opening up to and trusting a “friend” who made me believe they had a kind soul, and would never put me through anything others have (yes, they knew about many of those pains). I gave them no reason whatsoever to turn on me, but after their mentally ill – and apparently untreated – family member decided to try to ruin the friendship (who knows why – maybe jealousy?), they did exactly that.
Something I’ve noticed with many different people over the years, is that most folks don’t like to acknowledge and/or can’t see when a loved one is toxic in some way; therefore, when that loved one acts irrationally, it’s ignored or passed off as a “bad moment.” Fortunately for me, I know the signs of someone who needs help, so when that person acts terribly towards me and accuses me of things they’ve only imagined have happened, I can see the situation for what it truly is, and handle it accordingly. After all, I had experienced such problems on a regular basis, with my biological mother – so I know exactly how to approach the individual and ease their mind, as well as my own.
Upon the resolving of said family member’s issues (it was the second issue, by the way), I chose to peacefully walk away from that person. I let the “friend” know that I was doing so, before actually doing it, and I was assured that it wouldn’t affect the friendship in any way. Unfortunately, that – plus a couple of other problems on the “friend’s” side – affected everything in a big, emotionally draining way. It was bad enough that I was dealing with more stress than I’d experienced in years, but to no longer feel important to someone whom I considered my own family member, well…it cut pretty fucking deep. I sought help for my increased stress (which caused my chronic anxiety and mild depression to increase, as well), and got all of that under control. Once I had a clear head again, the stressors had decreased, and I had given it a lot of thought…I made the decision to cut ties with the “friend.” It was one of the hardest choices I’d made in awhile, but it was best for my sanity and, well – my life.
I’m not one for confrontation, unless it’s absolutely necessary, so I quietly made my exit and began the process of moving forward. I knew confrontation would be a wasted effort, as I had stressed many, many times how things “friend” did bothered me – but those things continued, in a blatant show of complete disrespect for my feelings. Clearly, confrontation was a lost cause, as it had already been ignored so many times before. I just can’t bring myself to waste my time, breath, or emotions on people who have repeatedly shown how little I matter to them.
So, here I am, continuing to move on and doing whatever I need to do to successfully do so. This post is part of that process, as I needed to get it out somewhere (other than to my Hubs and Momma, both of whom have heard about it enough by now). It’s therapeutic to let it out, to tell whomever may be reading, or just to put it into text for myself and my healing. Knowing that, once again, I have been taken advantage of, used, and thrown away like I never meant anything, hurts like hell. To know that a third party was involved? Honestly, it disgusts me. I may have not gotten the chance to meet the “friend” in person, but I was also never truly given a chance by them or their family member. The worst was assumed of me with absolutely zero reasons to back it up (other than what was made up in their unwell mind), and when I chose to remove myself from that person and their poison, I was suddenly an enemy to someone whom I loved dearly. I loved them so much, and would have done anything for them…but it wasn’t appreciated or enough. It just doesn’t make sense, nor does it make sense that “friend” didn’t respect me enough to stop what they were doing to bother me…but this is what happens when you’re like me. Truly decent, big-hearted people like yours truly, always end up being hurt – when we have never hurt anyone or done anything to deserve such poor treatment. Heartless people are everywhere, waiting for you to fall for their act. It’s a harsh reality that I’ve faced for most of my almost thirty-two years, and what makes me want to keep my guard up at all times.
…yet I don’t, and I keep on finding out why I should. I’m a sucker, I guess – and I’m determined to find someone who actually knows what friendship and being kind really mean.